Zwwap!
by Thalia Poet
Summary: The DD (season one) go to LaserTag! Attempted humor; occasional potty word, no ships as of yet. Reviews adored, as always!


AN: Mikia, shoot me, I've done a Digimon fanfic!!  Jk, I love it...I'm not completely ashamed about this story, though it is _Attempted Humor_ (notice the italics and capitalization!!)  This is just the intro; the rest of the story will take place during the actual laser-questing.  I hope that I managed to tell all the rules, for readers who have never played...and I'm sorry for any OCC, lameness, or character bashing; it was unintentional!!  No ships, sorry, unless requested...which I seriously doubt will happen...I don't have high expectations for this story, but reviews are, as always, VERY much appreciated!!  ^_^  *is a review-holic*  Oh, and I'm using American names because...firstly...I am American, and secondly, LaserTag is an American thing.  Predominately.

Watch for occasional swearwords and innuendo.  ...^_^;

Zwwap!!

Thalia Poet

"This isn't funny anymore, Tai.  Tell us where we're going or I'm walking back home."

"It's the subway station again, isn't it," said Joe Kido resignedly.  "I like running down long staircases as much as anyone, but that was ridiculous.  I couldn't even WALK the next morning; my legs were killing me!!"

Tai turned around, his eyes shinning.  Everyone winced.

"It's NOT the subway station!!"

"Phew," said Sora, looking relieved, but Matt cut her off: "It's not that place with all the slides and tubes to climb in, is it?  I mean...I used to go there with TK, but it's for six-year-olds.  I felt pretty stupid trying to cram myself into those little plastic tunnels."

"You looked even stupider when you got stuck," said Tai, then dodged Matt's punch.  "No, we're not going to Teeny Tonkie's Toy Tavern...and whadda ya mean, _six-year-olds_?"

"Then we're going to one of those free classes at that stupid education center," said Kari decidedly, looking sullenly down at the sidewalk.  "We've already done courses on miming, public speaking, and plumbing...so which is it this time?  Lamaze breathing?  Belly dancing?"

"I already know how to belly dance," said Izzy absently, making the others gag.

"You guys are going to be SO sorry when I tell you what I've got ready for ya," Tai said, stopping.  His grin was enormous.  "You'll feel bad for thinking that you're going to have a lousy time.  And with that promised...I present to you..." he swept his arms wide.  "OUR DAY OF IMMESURABLE FUN AND SIDE-SPLITTING LAUGHTER!!!  HERE IS WHAT WE'RE GOING TO BE DOING ALL DAY LONG!!"

"We're standing in front of a Laundromat," observed Mimi, looking like she was going to cry.

"No--no!  Behind me.  No.  Cripes, you idiots.  Look to your left.  Your OTHER left.  More...more...there, stop!  What do you see?  Isn't it--Kari, your _LEFT_."

"'LaserQuest?'" read TK, squinting up at the flashing sign.

"It's a laser tag facility," said Izzy blankly.

"YES!!" Tai shouted, beaming and pumping a fist into the air.  "What do you say to THAT??"

"Oh god."

"Please, _no_, Tai!"

"Can't we just go to the Landromat?"

"I'm thinking _not_."

"Yeah, right."

"Oh, hell..."

"NO."

"YES!" Tai insisted.  "Please!!  It'll be sooo much fun!!  I reserved slots for us already; you'll love it, I promise!!"

"Tai, there is no way I'm strapping on a thirty-pound vest, carting around a plastic gun, and dodging little kids in pitch-blackness while trying to shoot some tiny flashing targets," said Matt firmly.  "I'm drawing the line here.  There is no way in the world I'm setting foot into that place, no matter WHAT you say."

"I earned the money for this myself," said Tai softly.  "Doing extra chores around the house...I even cleaned all the windows, inside AND out.  I nearly broke my leg getting out there on the balcony--it was raining at the time.  What do you say, Matt?  Please...?"

Matt grumbled.  "Let's get this over with."

Back at the house...

"--how much for the Girl Scout Cookies?  Twenty?  Okay.  Let me get my money..."

Mrs. Kamiya frowned into her purse.

"What...?  I'm missing nearly four hundred doll--_TAIIIIIII_!!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"It's a twenty minute game," said Tai, reading the sign at the registration desk.  "When you get shot, your lasers stop working for five seconds, then come back on.  Um...you need to shoot the other players' sensors, which are located on the shoulders, guns, chests, and backs.  No teams, no foul language, no kneeling, running, or screaming.  Got that?"

"No," said TK, looking lost.

"Shoot the pretty lights," said Matt.

TK brightened.  "Oh.  I can do that!!"

"May I have your nickname, please?" said the attendant.

"I get a nickname?  How about...Goggles?"

The attendant nodded and typed it in, then glanced at Sora.  "And you, ma'am?"

"Um..."

"Name her 'Loser,'" suggested Tai.

"HEY!!"

"Or 'Dork,'" said Matt, snickering.

"Shut up," said Sora, then looked up pleasantly at the attendant.  "Make Matt's nickname Britney Spears, please."

"What???"

"Ooh, ooh!" said Tai, struck by inspiration.  "Joe's should be 'Four-Eyes!'"

This triggered an outburst in the group.  Everyone began to shout out nicknames, making everyone in the vicinity go silent and stare at them.  The flustered attendant began to type rapidly, trying to register everyone's designations.  After nearly a minute of this torture, she slammed her palms down on the counter.

"_STOP_!!  I've got them!!  TAKE YOUR GAME CARDS AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!"

Awkwardly, they walked away from the registration counter.

"Matt, we made that lady cry," said TK, looking terrified.

"Er--um...she was just...happy."

"PEOPLE WITH GREEN GAME CARDS, PLEASE REPORT TO THE BRIEFING ROOM!!"

Izzy glanced at his card.  "Well, ours are brown, so--"

"They're green," Sora assured him, smiling slyly.  "What, are you color blind...?"

"NO!"

"Your socks are green too," said Mimi sheepishly.  "They really don't match.  It's been bothering me for years.  Did you know that?"

"They're green?  Really?  I thought they were brown..."

(Note: Story can also be titled, "Why Izzy has Poor Fashion Sense")

"Well, hurry up," said Matt, grabbing their arms and pushing the into the 'briefing room.'  "I just want to get this over with."

Inside the room, they all began to put on their vests.

"OUCH!!  IT'S HEAVY!!"

"God, Izzy, you are such a wuss..."

"He's not a wuss," Kari defended him.  "He's just incredibly short for his age!!"

"Thanks, Kari..."

Matt was helping TK put his on.  As soon as he had the vest over his shoulders, TK's knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor.

"AAAH, IT _IS_ HEAVY!!"

Kari frowned at the boys.  "I'm not having any trouble..."

"That's because you got that strong, Kamiya gene," said Tai proudly, clapping her on the back.  Matt scowled at him and smiled at TK.

"Well, don't you worry, Teeks.  At least you got the ol' Ishida BRAINS."

Tai looked blank.  "What are you implying?"

Sora had settled her vest on and removed her gun, twirling it expertly before putting it in its holder.  Mimi, on the other hand, was frowning.

"This clashes horribly!  All these flashing red and green lights--"

"I thought they were red and brown," said Izzy, looking lost.

"Okay, Izzy, you're _done_..."

A new attendant had appeared.  "Now that you've all got your equipment on, look at that little slit there on your guns.  Swipe your game cards through it.  It should register your nickname and score, as well as the name of the person who shoots you, when the game starts."

Everyone did as told.  There was a chorus of beeping as everyone's names appeared in the box at the back of their guns--then a moment of horrified silence, followed by a general outburst.

"WHAT??  MY NICKNAME IS BOB??" shouted Matt.

"At least it's not Boogermon," said Sora, looking grumpy.

"I'm Tina-Marie," said TK, puzzled.

Joe sighed.  "Great, I'm Tinkerbell..."

Izzy peered at his screen.  "Um, I guess I'm...uh...Percy Weasley...?"

"I'm Pregnant," said Kari.

Tai flipped out completely.  "WHAT???  WHAT???  KARI, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT ABSTINIENCE??  YOU'RE WAY TOO YOUNG TO BE SEXUALLY ACTIVE; WAIT 'TIL I TELL MOM, YOU ARE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH--"

"That's my _nickname_, stupid," she interrupted, flushing.

"Oh..." Tai growled, looking around the group.  "Who on earth suggested that??"

"I did," said Matt, smiling faintly.  "But I said it in reference to Izzy."

Izzy glared at him.

"So what's your nickname, Mimi?" said Sora, glancing over at her flashing screen.

Mimi looked absolutely horrified.

"RONALD REGAN???"

Everyone kept a straight face for perhaps a second, then burst into hysterical laughter.

"Please, I'll trade with anyone," she begged, trying to take off her vest.

"Would you rather be Pregnant?" asked Kari.

"Or _Tinkerbell_," said Joe, still sour.

"Well--"

"THE GAME IS STARTING!!  PLEASE RETURN YOUR GAME CARDS AND RUN INTO THE PLAY AREA; YOU HAVE A TEN SECOND COUNT TO FIND HIDING PLACES!!"

There was a scramble as everyone tossed the cards into the basket near the doors, tripping over the horde of little kids that were fighting past them.  TK grabbed onto the seat of Matt's pants, scared half to death, knocking him flat on his stomach.  Joe tripped over him hard and knocked over Mimi.  Sora, Tai, Kari, and Izzy disappeared into the playing arena.

"I HATE THIS!!" Mimi wailed, cramming her hat onto her head.  "I HATE THIS STUPID VEST AND THIS LASER AND THIS--"

Matt and TK were running off as quickly as they could without being impolite.

Joe looked at her helplessly.

"Mimi, I--"

She shot him.

"MIMI!!  YOU CHEATER!!  I WAS JUST TRYING TO--"

"I'm sorry!!  Don't leave me, Joe, I was...pressing this button--"

She shot him again.

Letting out an aggravated scream, Joe followed the others out of sight.

Mimi burst into tears.

Heh...whadda ya think...?  Dump it?


End file.
